A Reporter At Large: The Green Light She Believed In

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…”

–F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby)

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Claudia Chang checked her Facebook news feed in the dim-lit train as it sped past the barren and lifeless New Jersey construction sites, the Valley of Ashes. Worried about the hazardous winter weather of the East Coast, Claudia had chosen to take the earliest morning train possible at 6:50 under the ominous clouds. It was a brisk and dark November morning. On the way, snow and hail flew pass the window, occasionally hitting against the window, showing strong contrast against the dull and sullen landscape. People with different faces, of different calibers, and to different destinations walked in and out at each station but all of them had the same melancholic and exhausted faces as if the train had sapped their energy. Finally, after hours of tedious train ride, the train stopped at the Pennsylvania Station with a sharp jolt, forcing nearly all the passengers out of their seats. “Great way to start the day,” Claudia remarked sourly. She let out a sigh, picked up her bag, and headed into Manhattan.

When in Manhattan, one could instantly feel its poetic yet suffocating energy spreading through the entire city. By then, it was hailing and the sun was nowhere to be seen. Despite the miserable weather, all activities continued – businessmen and women talking loudly on their phones, street venders fervently advertising their products, and tourists obsessively snapping photos, hoping to preserve those cherished moments. Every person seemed so important, until one stepped back and observed the soaring architectures. One could not help but be amazed at the vastness of the city and the insignificance of its denizens. The people, like worker ants, paid no attention to the great ‘ant hill’ they had built and scurried to their destinations for their own important purposes. One such worker ant exited the Pennsylvania Station and headed towards her office. Claudia walked among the crowd along the 7^th Avenue. The already busy street was made further treacherous to travel by the infinite umbrellas and black ice. Avoiding getting poked by umbrellas and slipping, Claudia, like everyone else, hopped around the sidewalk as if she was traversing an obstacle course. Surprisingly, no pedestrian showed any annoyance but a ubiquitous sense of urgency and indifference.

Abruptly, Claudia turned right onto West 37^th Street and parted from the crowd. Compared to the 7^th Avenue, its lack of activities provided a sense of serenity that only added to the wistful mood. Without the sea of travelers, Claudia let out a relieved sigh and walked at a much slower pace while checking her phone. Along West 37^th Street were various fabric shops, each advertising different styles of fabric in their showcases: Chinese silk, Indian-style fabric, Cartoon patterned fabric, British wool and every linen one could think of. All the bright colors provided the only warmth on this bleak and secluded street. Claudia stopped in front of a glass door. Stuck between a deli and a clothes shop, the door would be almost unnoticeable if not for its loud golden frame. Claudia looked up at the door number, a colossal golden 226 engraved on the top of the doorway, and announced, “Well, this is where I work.” Behind the doors is a lobby that followed the same flamboyant golden embroidered wall and dazzling light. The security guard sitting behind the encounter was passed by and ignored. With a subtle nod to the security guard, Claudia entered the elevator and pressed seven without even looking. Soft and mellifluous elevator music poignantly pointed out the lethargic atmosphere. Another glass door, labeled ‘QE Clothing Co. Logistics and Trades’, welcomed her as she stepped out the elevator.

Claudia started working for QE Clothing Logistics Department right after she graduated from Clark University graduate school. The specificity of the job could be explained through her MBA and her childhood. She grew up in the Taiwanese countryside, a pleasant tropical island in South East Asia. Life in the countryside was plain and simple; people lived with what they had and didn’t think much of wealth and fame. This philosophy coupled with the idea of preserving a tight community, most people found local education, worked local jobs, and settled in the town they grew up in. Same with Claudia—she planned to finish her education and take over her father’s fabric trading business. She would be economically sufficient for her to settle. However, her father’s clients that came back from the United States often boasted about the American Dream and  the exaggerated surplus opportunities and successes that one could find there. Seeing their luxurious lifestyle and prestigious status, Claudia became mesmerized and aspired to explore the ‘outside’ world. During her high school career, she applied to the study abroad program and instantly grasped the chance to achieve the dream she held for so long. She travelled twice to the United States in that period of time and decided that the US was for her to stay. She announced to her parents her decision to study and settle in the States for a few years once she graduated college. To her surprise, her parents immediately expressed their approvals and even funded her to do so. When she graduated from Clark University, Claudia saw a job advertisement from QE Clothing Logistics in the newspaper. After some thoughts, she applied with her ample experience growing up in a fabric trading company. Upon seeing her impressive résumé and experience, the company immediately hired her. She planned to stay for a couple years and return to Taiwan but a decade had past since then.

Past the door was a fingerprint punch clock beeping quietly. Claudia firmly pressed her finger against the sensor and a piercing buzz rang out, disturbing the loud silence in the windowless office and causing some to pause whatever they were doing to look out from their cubicles. The machine displayed accusingly, “Cannot be identified. Please try again.” She rolled her eyes and chuckled awkwardly to break the silence. She tried with her finger again only to have the same thing repeated itself. She went for the third, forth, and fifth tries to no avail. Slowly, her cheeks turned red from embarrassment as more and more people began staring at her. Frantically searching through her purse, she finally found her I.D. card and promptly swiped it against the machine. This time, the machine finally gave in and let out an ironically joyful tune. Claudia flashed a victorious smile and quickly walked towards her cubicle, occasionally greeting cohorts on her way. At the end of the hall was Claudia’s cubicle. The cubicles were uniform in case of size, color, and furniture: every cubicle was blue, came with an L-shaped desk with a shelf, an office chair, and two drawers. However, the decorations of each cubicle were truly amazing, some had pictures, some had plants, and some others had both; one even had a toy train running around on the shelf. Claudia decorated her shelf with a green fern and several wooden animals. None of the animal was of the same species and they all faced the same direction, formed a harmonious group. It was a microscopic spectacle of the Great Migration, where millions of animals, no matter what species, all migrated together through the barren desert towards a green oasis under the scorching sun. Even though nearly a quarter of the population would die on the way of hunger, thirst, and predation, they continued on year after year in hope for abundant resources, safe havens, and a better future. It was sobering to see how tenaciously the animals fought and marched on, sometimes leaving their calves behind to die, for a promise so vague and abstract. 

Pinned to the wall were several postcards of Taiwan, showing the diverse landscapes of home—the grandiose Buddhist temple, the exquisite Pacific beach, the ornate urban architecture, and the unostentatious countryside where she came from. To Claudia, these places served as a reminder to the important aspects of her roots. The Buddhist temple calmed her miseries and worries at a time of despair, reminding her the gracefulness of Buddha. The exotic sandy beach helped her rewind from her stressful job and allowed her to escape from daily routines. The vibrant atmosphere of the city encouraged her to persevere in pursuit of her aspiration and showed her the bright future waiting at the end. Her hometown reminded her to never forget her family—where she came from, who she was, and the simple lifestyle. Hanging loosely next to the postcards were two tickets for the Mets, one looked faded, turning yellow. The other one looked new as if just freshly minted. The two tickets sat adjacent to each other, showing the passage time. Claudia was amazed by how the people stood together, cheered together, and booed together to root for their teams. In her memories, rarely had Americans, being so diverse, agreed on a subject but baseball game is one of these rare occasions that made people forget their differences. That was why those experiences were so significant to Claudia.

Throughout the day, Claudia checked and answered emails; she talked to her colleagues mostly about imports and exports but never lasting more than a couple minutes each. The uneventful and stale atmosphere froze time as electrical lights flickered and hours ticked by. Only the occasional announcements from the PA system would break the lull. Time stopped again once the announcements were over. The cycle repeated itself until four when Claudia finally finished replying to her last email. After shutting down her computer, she had a complicate look, a combination of regret and embarrassment, and chuckled, “My job is quite boring, huh?” 

The reality had hit Claudia hard. She explained that although there were indeed ample opportunities, the magnitude and quality of these ‘opportunities’ were nowhere as glamorous as she was told and she had expected. She further clarified that, on a superficial level, endless opportunities were accessible to anyone determined to work hard enough. And yet, the reality was that limitations still applied to her because of her ethnicity and her citizenship status. She applied for her permanent resident status through her job in 2008 to improve her status and thus grant her chances to either climb up the company ladder or make vertical career moves. What she ultimately wanted, with her application, was to access a promising and exceptional future. However, not only did it took her more than 5 years to receive her status, but it also costed her several thousands of dollars and sleepless nights throughout the application process. It was crushing for Claudia, as she began to realize the American Dream she once aspired to as a kid did not apply everyone; it was exclusively limited to those with privilege rather than those determined to work their way to the top. She found out that there was no peak to summit because there would always be someone ready to “fill in” those roles. She explained that the company she worked at, for instance, was founded by her current CEO, Mr. L. Wilson. Even though Wilson was still in his prime, his teenage son, Wilson Jr., already worked as the general manager of the company and was groomed to take over at a moment’s notice. On the contrary, an Indian senior employee, working tirelessly in a cubicle next to the restroom, Claudia pointed out, had been doing the same job for nearly half a century without any promotion or even any significant raise.

On the way back, the train, identical to the one taken in the morning, was still squeaky and dim-lit. The warm air blown out from the vent had a soporific effect on the passengers. Sitting across her was a Norwegian couple quietly whispering to each other about the wonder and glamor of the Big Apple. They mentioned the bombastic Broadway, the colossal Empire State Building, and the extensive Metropolitan Museum. They assured themselves that the great American Dream was indeed meeting their expectations, magnificent and fantastic. As they turned towards the window to enjoy the scenic sunset, they shared a laugh joking about immigrating to the United States. Outside the window, the sun was sinking into the horizon, projecting a orange and red light show over the sky. The interaction between the lights, swirly and intertwined, was enchanting like a piece by Van Gogh. Looking at the sunset, Claudia remained silent and still while her eyes sparkled under the eerie sky.

Finally, as the sun disappeared behind the night sky, Claudia reminisced about how her life was drastically changed by her decision to come to the States. Looking back, without coming to the United States, she would not have married her husband whom she met at Clark University. Goaded and strengthened by her belief in the American Dream, she survived through economic hardships as a first generation immigrant. Although the American Dream was not all bombastic and effortless as it promised, the struggle pushed her self development and giving spark to her ambition. Despite being stuck for a few years working the same job, Claudia pursued the American Dream with never everlasting passion and fervor. Regarding her future, Claudia looked forward towards drastic changes such as starting her own business, having a child, and even moving to Boston that she absolutely adored. After all, as a firm believer of the American Dream, she would keep chasing it, like moths to flame, as long as the future blazed brightly ahead.

– Stanley Chang

(Updated July 2023)